


"Tell me I'm Sober, Darling"

by MrsKohakuSato



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Allura (Voltron)-centric, Budding Love, Drug Addiction, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Friendship/Love, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Lotor's a dysfunctional mess, Original Character(s), POV Allura (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 06:05:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19824079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsKohakuSato/pseuds/MrsKohakuSato
Summary: After Shiro had disappeared, Allura felt that she had been keeping everything together by the strings. When Shiro returned, her relief is short-lived when he no longer seems to be the valiant leader he had once been. And with Keith out the picture, she’s back to square one keeping everything put by the skin of her teeth. Now, with Lotor in the scheme of things, an enemy, now ally, she thinks she's found someone like-minded; only to find that he might not be as calm and collected as he portrays himself to be. That under the facade, and out of the public eye, he’s a dysfunctional mess.





	"Tell me I'm Sober, Darling"

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this started off as a request by an Anon and developed from there.

~

She's alone, dressed in her suit, tried and both physically and mentally drained. Voltron's brief trip to the Moon Yunar had taken its toll, weeks of endless arguing had ate at her patience, but at least the Yunarians, begrudgingly, decided to accept the newfound alliance between Voltron and the Galra Empire. Upon returning she decided to make a quick detour to the Galra's home ship to inform Emperor Lotor about the meeting and what had transpired.

"Then I'm coming with you!" Lance announced. Not a chance, she thought dryly. The blue paladin for whatever reason had gripes with the new ruler and she wasn't about to let him ruin their budding alliance with his carelessness.

"I'm going alone," she said firmly.

"But," she appreciated the concern, but she’s not taking any chances. Not with so much on the line.

"It'll be quick, I'll be back before you know it" she smiled.

"Sure, Allura" Pidge wiggled her brows at Hunk who snickered into his fist. Allura frowned, did she say something humorous? 

"Knock it off!" Lance snapped at them red in the face "it won't and never will be funny!"

"Team" Shiro muttered.

Allura simply shook her head, she'll never understand Terran humor it seems.

~ 

Being on the Galra ship no longer felt uneasy or strange to her, just surreal to not be shot at or running for her life. The guards greet her with the utmost respect, and no one hardly hassled her as she made her way to the throne room. With the night cycle only hours away the usual commotion is nearly silent, as the servants clean up for the day's end.

When she finally reached the throne room she found no one there. Not even guards, and when she enters it's vacant. Puzzled, she shifted her helmet under her arms. In fact, it's rather dusty in here. And the lights are on but dimmed. Wandering in further, the floors were burnt and scuffed and that there's cracks in the chair.

Morbidly curious, she touched it with the pads of her fingers. The place that Zarkon use to preside over. And now, nothing. And now, he's sitting in a cell in the lowest bowels of an incarceration center and the crown stripped from his head. His reign of terror is no longer. No longer will he be able to harm another person or destroy another planet. Or she hoped so, with his teachings passed down to Sendak, who can tell. Sniffing, she removed her hand-

"This place is off-limits y'know, your highness" She flinched, jerking around to see the most horrendous hairstyle she had ever seen grace someone's head.

"And you are?" She quirked a brow.

"The name's Mogril. And you must be Princess Allures, right" 

"It's Allura" she corrected.

"Right" He drawled, leaning against the doorway "if you're looking for the Emperor, he's in his lab"

"Lab?" She tilts her head "Didn't know he had one?" 

"He's there often" he yawns, unabashedly.

"Is he busy?" 

"Don't know. I don't think I've seen him come out of it, actually" 

Allura frowned softly "What do you mean?" 

"I mean-he hasn't come out from there in days, weeks since your return from Ori-what’s-it place" 

"Oriande. She corrects again "has no one checked on him" 

"Besides me and Dayak. Not particularly." He shakes his head " He's in one of his-moods again." He mutters flippantly "the whole woe-is-me kind of moods" Allura isn't sure what to say to his offhanded attitude "who cares about some fancy-smancy super magical powers. It could've been worse. A whole lot worse." 

Allura blinked "pardon" 

"I mean he's been depressed about the whole thing for weeks. It's like the incident with that Jiv chick all over again." 

"Jiv?" 

"Ex-lover." 

"Oh." She said flatly.

"He really needs to find a woman. It's depressing watching him knock back booze like it's going out of style."

"Booze?"

"Ah, you didn't know about that did you" when she only answered with a furrowed brow, he needlessly continued, “If I were you, I'd leave before you see something that'll make you lose respect for him"

Wrinkling her nose, she felt offended on his behalf "is that any way to speak of your Emperor?" She plants her hand on her hips.

"Well no." Scratching the side of his face " But, I'm talking from experience here. I've seen how he gets with alcohol in his system" 

"Lotor doesn't drink?" she had never seen him sip nothing more than a conservative amount during diplomacy meetings.

"To be fair he has to-like drink gallons of that stuff to send him over the edge." 

"Are you trying to imply that the Emperor is a drunk" the pitch of her voice rose in aggravation.

"Not implying. He is a drunk. A raging alcoholic. But, I can't blame you, he knows how to hide it pretty well"

"I-" 

"He's been on a drinking binge ever since your return from Altean wonderland" 

"Oriande"

"Right. That's why I'm warning you if you wanna keep your respect for him, don't go down there. Before you see something you don't wanna see. Like seeing Dayak naked" he shudders "still gives me nightmares." Allura scowled. She didn't know this man, he could be exaggerating for all she knew, plus she didn't need to know that he saw Lotor's governess nude. How that even occurred she didn't want to fathom. Or picture.

"If you're quite done, can you take me to the Emperor, please"

"You sure? If you go down there you’re on your own, little lady" 

"Just shut up and do as your told" Mogril shrugged.

"Whatever the Princess commands"

~ 

"This is it?" 

"Creepy isn't" he crossed his arms. More like dreary and dull she eyes the door with an odd sense of dread. Mogril touches the keypad, punching in the code, the door pries open with a hiss and ear-piercing creak. Her ears fall back, cringing at the noise. There’s rust on the hinges, the door's coat of paint is eroded and faded, and with that observation, she's met with a spiraling staircase. Down into oblivion.

"Whelp our time together ends here, Princess because I’m not going a step further into that nightmare" 

"I wasn't going to ask" she grumbles marching in, and through the threshold and down the dark, murky basement, she ignores the ominous click of the door from behind. The structure eerily reminded her of Haggar's lair, but somehow creepier, the creak of the air conditioner did little to soothe the worry gnawing at the back of her mind.

"Lotor?" 

No answer.

It's surprisingly cool down here as she carefully watched her step, diving further and further into the bowels of Lotor's lab with her heart wavering the closer and closer she got the bottom.

"Emperor Lotor?" 

Still no answer. Only her voice echoing off the steel-reinforced walls. Swallowing, she reaches the bottom and is led into a large room that might as well be a hanger bay. There's rows of computer screens, and vacant chairs and tables filled with clutter.

"Emperor Lotor?" 

The only sound is her footsteps.

Quietly, she placed her helmet on one of the tables to only spy a large piece of grafting paper. On it is a blueprint for something? She squinted her eyes, leaning closer "Delta: Project?" 

It looked like a gate. A massive one. The blueprints she realized were scribbled in a language she's never seen before, its erratic and shaky, and she can't make out the symbols or alphabet if that what it is.

"I wonder what this is for?" Knowing she probably shouldn't, she touched it, the paper smooth under the tips of her fingers. But, nothing happened, it's not like she's going to magically understand anything written on here, all she knew is that it's Lotor's handwriting. Speaking of which she hasn't seen hair nor hide of him, and she's beginning to think he might not be down here. Moving away from the strange papers, she came face to face with walls that had mathematical formulas etched on them, in black ink, Lotor’s hand penmanship glaringly obvious.

Mystified, she inched closer to see if she could make out anything "Why would he-feet?" Allura blinked, unsure if she's seeing things again, as she rubbed both her eyes, figuring the lack of sleep might be getting to her, she found a pair of boots sticking out behind one of the metallic desks. Far more curious than outright alarmed she crossed over cautiously to find the boots attached to the one person she had been looking for, sprawled out on the floor. She blinked again with knitted brows; he's not wearing his armor, and now that she brought it up realized she had never seen him without it. Layers of black and dark purple robbing with a cape attached to his shoulders and hair tied up.

When did he wear hooped earrings?

If she didn't know any better he looked as if he had been prepared for his own funeral. With his hands crossed over his stomach and eyes closed.

But, his chest is moving so he's alive.

"Um-Emperor?" She whispers.

His lips twitched "I'm busy, Yayamei. Leave me to my torment" he mumbled. Her eye fidgeted.

"Yayamei? I'm not this Yayamei. Lotor, it's me, Allura!" 

Finally, he pries his eyes open "Allura? Sweetheart is that you" he lifts his head up slightly. The endearment, sweetheart, barely registers in her mind, the creeping flush of her cheeks went ignored.

"Y-yes" she stammered "but, the question is what on earth are you doing on the floor" his head falls back.

"Contemplating" 

"Er-contemplating? Is this about Oriande" she dared to ask knowing it had been a sore spot for him, since their return.

"Oriande? Oriande? Ah, yes, Oriande….." 

"Lotor, are you-are you okay?"

"Besides, my whole entire life being a carefully constructed lie? No." 

"You mean no you aren't okay, or no I am okay" 

"Neither" he supplied "Speaking of which, your back, love" the topic is dropped like a sack of hammers. Allura's sure she heard a thud somewhere.

Her lips twisted "I-I am. Remember, I told you I had to go to Yunar" 

"Ah. Yes. Yunar. Yes." He sits up, a few strands of hair fall in front of his face, as he stands to his full height, dusting off his clothing and readjusting the golden sash around his hips.

"And how was this Yunar" Lotor sways slightly he grips one the desk for support, blinking rapidly. Allura grimaced. She's absolutely out of her element here. This is different, Lotor's acting very different from the man she "knows". In the short time, she's acquainted with him, Lotor had been nothing but calm and composed man. Collected and unnerved by anything. She's lost and more importantly confused by this odd display of behavior, Mogril said that had been on a drinking binge and that he’s an avid alcoholic, but she hadn't seen a bottle of booze yet.

"It definitely went better than expected. Though everyone's still wary of you and the Galra Empire, but they’re willing to put differences aside only in the heed that you'll meet with the Yunar leaders."

"I see, I see" he starts wandering around the room with no destination in mind "do they have a date in mind. I have many meetings. Much to do, so little time" he rambles.

“That’s what I came here to talk to you about. When would be a good time for you to come to Yunar?” she follows him around.

“Any time after this month I believe” she’s hit with a wave of relief she had been expecting something far later, but this is good. The sooner, the better “I still have generals to appoint, such...and such” he waved his hand around as he paced around the room, apparently searching for something in particular.

“Which begs the question” she changed the topic “about the ships? Shouldn’t we start on a course for developing them, if we want to put most of the fighting to an end” 

He didn’t reply this time “Emperor” he stopped near a table placed in the center of the room, feeling vexed, she huffed through her nose and approached him from behind “Emperor, are you even listening to a thing I’m saying?” More paper-blueprints this time of ships and ship parts and again more erratic writing in a language she doesn’t recognize. 

“Yes. The ships. I haven’t forgotten. See” he gestures towards the many blueprints.

Her previous annoyance abates “oh. Is this what you have been up to?” 

“More or less, my dear” again with the endearments. And again, she tries her best to disregard them “I’ve been trying to find a way to make them efficient in every manner of the word. Not too heavy, but not light enough that the rift will rip them apart. The alchemical process of creating them is about the least of our issues when you consider the expenses.” 

“I-” she blinked rather dumbly “I hadn’t considered that” 

“As I reform our new empire there is much to consider. Many will not be too keen on the throne mindlessly throwing money away on a single chance that might not bear fruit. Perhaps even end in catastrophe. The rift is a huge blind area, little is known about it, what’s in it or what happens to one after entering said place. As evident with my father” his expression sours “The effects are massively unpredictable. I can’t blame my people, not after the reign of horror that my father has brought on them. My private funds might be able to hold us for a while, but not forever.”

“You're meticulously creepy sometimes.” The sentence slipped out thoughtlessly.

“When you’ve lived the life I have it’s imperative that you must consider all angles one mishap can have disastrous results” 

“I understand. This really does set us back, doesn’t it. There is much to think about. The paladins are already wary enough about the rift, and I can only imagine what the rebels might think of this too.” it’d be all too easy to give this up, but she won’t, she’s gotten this far, there must be a way. There has to be.

“But, I won’t give-what are you doing?” it was now that she noticed that he had a small device in his hand, and he's holding down a button-down on it.

“Recording this conversation” he replies to her outburst matter of factly.

“Why!?” 

“There’s a ninety percent chance I won’t remember this.” Her mouth propped open “I’m incredibly drunk at the moment” 

“You don’t do that often do you” 

“All the time. I have hyperthymesia or is that an eidetic memory.” he rubbed his temple “I can’t remember”

“That would mean you’d remember everything! If that’s the case you don’t need to be recording our conversations!”

“If I were sober yes."

“Please don’t do that” which begs the question how long had he been doing that. She honestly, didn’t want to know the answer to that question, the notion of it is just undeniably disturbing in a sense, but she needed to know “do you do this all the time?” 

“Only when I’m drunk, darling”

Allura frowned her eyes flickering back to the blueprints. Intricate and detailed, there’s no way he did all this plastered “did you draw all this” 

“Mh” he follows her gaze “yes.” 

“While inebriated” 

“Of Course”

“Do you always work while drinking, that doesn’t seem very…” she searched for a nicer word than the ones that came to mind.

“Professional.” he offered “ It isn’t. But, not all the time, but most times.”

“Why?” 

“It’s better than nothing I suppose. Well, I use to use Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, but then that debacle on J’aseera happened. Afterwards, I went clean. Mostly.” 

“What?”

“Ecstasy" Allura presses her lips together she didn't know whether to be livid, baffled, exasperated or just simply done with this farce.

"What do mean by mostly?" 

He breaks out into laughter "How do you think I get any of this stuff done, my dear, sitting around working normal hours? I usually take a dose to keep myself going" 

"Doesn't the quintessence in your system already makes it so you can forgo sleep for long periods of time." 

"Yes, and no"

"Stop being vague and answer the question" 

"I use Ecstasy to enhance the side effects" 

Her brow twitched "when's the last time you've slept?" 

"Three weeks." He paused "I think" his brows knitted.

"That is incredibly unhealthy and dangerous!"

"I know" 

Her mouth snapped closed and she inhaled sharply "What do you mean “I know" she mimicked his low baritone " if you knew you wouldn't be endangering your health like this! As the newly ordained Emperor of the Galra Empire your well-being should an absolute priority! You have people lead, you can't do that always drunk and drugged! Apparently."

He looks at her lazily, smirking which only fueled the anger coursing through her veins, she did not think this situation is at all something worth smirking about "you care that much about me, Allura?" He cocks a brow "and here I thought you despised me. Really, I'm quite flattered."

"I-Ugh-what makes you think I hate you? We're allies aren't we" 

"I figured our alliance is more out of reluctance than actual interest" 

"You haven't given me a reason not to trust you" 

"But, you don't trust me either. I know deep down you expect me to be my father. In some ways worse than him" 

Allura's heart stilled in her chest "I-you-don't put words in my mouth, Emperor" she crossed her arms over her chest, looking away pointedly.

"It's fine if you wish to feign ignorance. I don't hold it against you." Her shoulders drop before her gaze flickers back to him, still smirking that stupid smirk. She really wanted to slap it off his stupid, handsome face. The red flush of her cheeks returned "thinking of something, darling" he tilts his head.

"Absolutely not!" She snapped "get your bloody head out the gutter, you pervert" out of all the things she didn't think he'd be a lech. A drunk lech, nonetheless.

"I'm wounded over your accusations, Princess" 

"And I'm wounded by your tasteless behavior" she sniffed.

"Your beautiful" 

"I stink. I haven't bathed in a week. The Yunar aren't particularly well-known for their hygiene."

"Speaking of which" another change in topics. Again. It's like his mind couldn't stay focused on one thing for too long "I had something I needed to give you" 

Exhausted, she offered him the driest look she could muster "and that is?" 

"I left it in my private quarters." 

Lovely.

~

Allura didn’t know what to expect following Lotor to his private quarters. She expected perhaps something that reflected his personality; simple and straight to the point. Or maybe something minimalist and tidy, she, however, never expected to find clutter. Clutter upon clutter upon clutter. It reminded her of that television program Hunk showed her about people who obsessively horde garbage and unnecessary items. Only that she didn’t find trash just stacks and stacks of books, charts, scrolls, and odd knickknacks she had no idea existed or what purpose they served. Long story short, his living chambers were far more vintage than painfully modern. Nothing like the dull greys, sleek blacks and dark lavenders that decorate Galra architecture.

She halted in the doorway eyeing the inside of his apartment from a distance, unsure what to do “come in” Hands curled to her chest, her eyes flickered from him to the room behind him “I don’t bite, Princess, unless you want me to” she’s painfully reminded of Lance and his loathsome attempts at courting, only she didn’t feel the need to drown herself instead blood rose to her face, and she hated it. Hated that it’s so blatantly obvious that his flirtations had an effect on her. Funny, she never thought of Lotor as a flirt. Until now it seems unless it’s the liquor talking.

“No, thank you” she stuck out her tongue “keep your teeth to yourself” she stepped in and a chill crawled up her spine “did you invite the arctic in here as well!” she squeaked “it’s freezing in here!” 

He scratched the side of his chin “Probably forgot to turn the air conditioner down.” he muttered “as you can see I haven’t exactly been here much” 

No, kidding, she eyed the mugs of coffee sitting on the in-table growing rings of mold inside them.

“I can see that” she rubbed her currently frozen arms “now, what is that you wanted to show me” for a split second he appeared to be dazed, like his eyesight’s glazing over, and his brain’s malfunctioning. Wouldn't be surprised given that he’s both been drugging and poisoning himself simultaneously. In fact, she's more surprised that he could still properly function at all.

Rubbing the back of his head his eyes jump around “....I forgot where I put it…..” 

“Put what?” 

“Stay here. I’ll find it, I might’ve of misplaced it-" he paused "somewhere” from there he disappeared up a spiraling staircase behind the couch and opposite from a room she believes to be a kitchen. 

“Emperor? Emperor!” Silence. She had half a mind to just get up and leave _. What is his problem! Oh, right he’s completely inebriated_ , she supposed Mogril was right about Lotor. Sighing, she takes a seat on his silver-colored couch, chewing the inside of her cheek.

_What to do. What to do._ Bored out of her mind, she decides to look around, upon closer inspection she found his clothing thrown haphazardly onto the back of the couch, and paperwork tossed onto the coffee table without a care, and his boots lined up on the side. Her nose wrinkled everything reeked of nicotine, the sofa, and as she peered around took a discreet whiff of his vestments and cringed at the smell. 

When she had first met Lotor once upon a time ago the impression he made was someone that was dangerous. Someone that proved to be a threat. Someone that needed to be taken down.

When they had come face to face with each other, despite his capture, he was inscrutable. Eerily astute and analytical far too much for her liking. Before, she had conjured up an image of him that resembled Zarkon in every manner of the word. Cruel, merciless, malevolent. Afterwards, she had discovered that her first impressions of him were more a fairy-tail than actual truth. Ruthless as he is, he sought peace, not destruction. Those he wins to his side, he does so through means of diplomacy and found that his empathy didn’t just run skin deep. He enjoyed history, the arts, culture, alchemy, he prioritized creation over annihilation any day. He’s so far removed from that of his father if his parentage had been a mystery you would never know they were father and son. How Lotor never turned out to be anything, but Zarkon is a mystery all in its own.

Even following Zarkon’s defeat and his open support for Voltron and the alliance between them. There are still things about him that made her wonder. Not that he isn’t friendly, and not that he’s rude, but she knows by the way he carries himself he keeps her at a distance whether it be because he didn’t truly trust her, or to keep their relationship strictly professional, she hadn’t a clue, and it didn’t help that his previous statement still echoes in the back of her head.

Allura didn’t know what to make of him being, even now, in his private space-he lives like a mess. From his room to his lab, everything’s nothing, but utter chaos. Judging by the disaster of said places, she bets they haven’t been thoroughly cleaned in some time, meaning that this is normal for him. When the public eyes are no longer on him, is this how he truly acts? Is the persona he presents to everyone merely a cover, that the one she sees, hears and interacts with daily, is no more than a clever lie? That it isn't the real him? The questions never end, instead of answers, it just gives her a headache or the beginnings of one, so she unraveled her bun to release her hair, it gave her a fleeting sense of relief without the tension on her skull.

She hears a creak upstairs, but no Lotor. Honestly, what is he searching for that it should take up so much time? Her eyes turn back to the coffee table, back to the documents, slowly a nagging idea pops to mind. It's not nosiness, she isn't a nosy person, just curious and starts flipping through his papers, under one pile she finds an ashtray filled with ash and cigarette buds burnt all the way to the nubs, wrinkling her nose at the scent she nudges it away. She found nothing of interest, mostly because she couldn’t exactly read anything written, and her Galra is at best quite dreadful. Placing everything back where it belongs it’s been 15 minutes and Lotor still hasn’t returned from-wherever it is that he scurried off to. For someone blasted out of their mind, she had to give him credit where credit is due, she’s never seen a drunk man so coordinated. 

She leaned back on the couch and opened her communicator. Several messages, many of them from Lance inquiring why she’s been gone for so long. And that Lotor’s a creep, she paid no mind to them.

**Hunk:** _You missed dinner. Saved you a plate._

**Pidge** : _Are you and Lotor swapping spit?_

She hadn’t the faintest clue what that phrase even meant. Swapping spit? Her brows furrowed. Is that a human euphemism or is she implying that they are spitting at each other, whatever it meant she felt far too exasperated to ask or deal with the paladins and their antics. In return to clear everyone’s worries, she sent a quick message.

**Allura:** _Probably going to be home late. Much work to do. See everyone soon._

Another loud thud upstairs causes her to jerk up, she bit her lip as it went quiet again. _What is that man doing? First dragging me here and then abandoning me to boredom while he stalks off doing who knows what._ When the silence continued, she decided enough is enough and climbed up the stairs to find her illustrious Emperor.

And more importantly, answers.

~ 

Amazingly enough, the hallways were spotless. Uncannily so. She discovered many more rooms. A large study, but no Lotor. A lavish bathroom that made her's look like a joke, but no Lotor. She located his bedroom and wondered how on earth he could sleep in there if she thought the living room was chaotic, this is just pure insanity. 

“How does he sleep in all this mess” she found more books, and scrolls, and charts, and stacks of papers and thick piles of documents, and, scattered datapads. And odd wooden statues in the corners. His bed clearly hasn’t been made in eons accompanied by his apparel just dispersed about. His closet door is just left open with his dresser and it’s drawers just yanked out. Other than the fact that the room is dimly lit, Lotor is nowhere to be seen. She left the door as is, as he did not shut in the first place, her eyes narrowed as she stormed off in another direction. This time the rooms she came upon next were either locked or vacant, and just when she’s at her rope’s edge and about to rip out her hair, she finds the last room at the end of the second hall and finally found her Emperor slumped over in a box. 

Sighing, she ran a hand down her face. Stepping in, the room actually turned out to be a storage room. And strangely enough neat and tidy. Musical instruments, some more books, and scrolls, and charts. Ship pieces, art pieces, furniture wrapped in white covers. _Why does he even have all this stuff?_ Her quiet questions fell on deaf ears, as that could wait later, first she needed to help big, bad Emperor Lotor out of the cardboard box he found himself stuck in. 

“Emperor?” as she reached out to touch his shoulder out of nowhere he snapped up causing her to both scream and jump back, tripping and sailing right on her rump with a painful smack.

“Owww….” she has a bruised tailbone for sure as she rubbed the sore spot in vigor.

“Princess? I thought I told you to stay put” 

“I did!” she bit back “and here you are sleeping in a box” 

“I wasn’t sleeping” he grumbled rising to his full height, dusting off his attire.

“Then what do you call that!? I found you slumped in it” she shot to her feet.

He didn’t answer her question as he raised his hand wavering around a worn-out book “I found what I was looking for. This” 

“A book?” she deadpanned. All this for that. Instead of answering, he instead gifts it to her with a blank face. She took it out of courtesy, hoping that coming here is worth it and that he’s not just stringing her along due to his drunken state. Annoyed, she flipped the book open, not expecting anything until her breath stilled in her chest.

“Altean. Altean writing?” her eyes darted up to meet Lotor’s quiet gaze he nods in assent, her eyes flicker back to the book in her hands, flipping through the pages she found concept art, sketches, diagrams, blueprints of Voltron.

-King Alfor

Father? Quivering, her fingers ran across the old, withered pages. This was her father’s. It must have been one of his research notebooks. Pressing her lips together she held back the urge to cry out loud, she had thought all his work had been lost to time, but here it is right in the palm of her hands, and in Galra territory no less, safe and sound. Back home in a sense.

Reluctantly, she closed it, holding it near and dear to her heart “how did you find this?” 

“In a Black Market which no longer exists” 

“Is this how you knew so much” 

“Pretty much, but there is more” 

“More! More of my father’s research survived” 

“Yes, but they are not here. I’ve had them hidden throughout the universe, and never kept all of them in one place out of fear my father or the witch might find them and destroy them.” he pressed a fist to his lips “better they found one, so, they wouldn’t be able to burn everything in one-” he swallowed "swoop." 

She blinked “are you alright?” 

“I’m fine-I just” he froze his skin turning paler and paler by the second “Excuse me for a moment” trying to be as dignified as possible he sped off into the direction of the bathroom. Placing her father’s book down, she leapt after him.

“Emperor?” 

She heard a ghastly, gagging noise. In the bathroom, a sight before her that she’d never thought she’d witness-Lotor heaving into a toilet. Violently, actually, as she watched his body convulse in a frenzy. His hair had started falling from its bun and into his face, hastily, she rushed over and pulled his hair back from his face as he emptied his stomach. However, she started to grow concerned when the vomiting wouldn’t end as the hour mark came and went and it’s just bile he’s puking up into the toilet and his body wouldn’t stop it’s trembling.

“I think you need a doctor” 

“I’m fine. It’ll pass” 

“Absolutely not. You are not okay” 

“This happens often” she frowned “it’ll pass in another hour or two” he tries to wave off her concern, but only it worsens her worry for his well-being.

“Stay put.” she repeats his earlier statement “I’m calling a doctor. Don’t even think about moving from that spot. Understand” he muttered something incomprehensible, but she decided to take that as agreement, as she rushed down the stairs, remembering the communicator in the living room, she hits it, hailing for the Mainship.

Her face dropped. It’s Mogril and he’s currently snacking on a piece of fruit while he’s leaning across a chair, boots propped up on the other side “General Mogril speaking” he drawls out lazily.

“General!” 

“Oh, it’s Princess. Long-time no see” he grinned “having fun with yours truly” 

She heeded no mind to his taunts “the Emperor’s sick. He needs a doctor” 

“So, his weeks of endless binging finally caught up with him” She didn’t speak, just glowered in his direction “right, right. I’ll get Yayamei. And she isn’t going to be happy. Mogril out” he salutes to her before the screen turns dark. _General? They really ought to be kidding her. What was Lotor thinking? Giving that fool any sort of power._

"Ugh!" She pulled at her hair "when will my torment end" she said to no one but herself.

~ 

"I should crush your windpipe! Better yet, remove your liver, and see how that goes!" 

Allura swallowed thickly watching from her seat on an ottoman.

"I said I'm fine, Yayamei," Lotor said from the couch that he's currently residing on.

"Lie to me again and I'm cramming your spleen down your throat" when Allura had expected doctor she had more or less imagined an older man of sorts. Maybe a sweet old man, or a complete grouch. She, however, never expected a scary galra woman of average height and lethal feline eyes. She’s a tad bit smaller, and less burly than most galra women she’s met, but she’s by no means a wallflower of a lady. An expression deadly enough that she thought it on par with Dayak’s scalding glares. Her hair pulled tight in a bun and bangs that fell down the sides of her face. She had no facial markings, Allura didn’t even know if she were pure galra or of mixed blood, she couldn’t tell and isn’t about to ask, as the woman stamped her heels against the floor.

It's as good as time as any "Um-hello-I'm Princess Allura" she tried to introduce herself by holding out a hand-

"I know who you are, don't patronize me" She curled her hand away afraid that this woman might bite it off.

"I'm more surprised that your blasted liver is in as good shape as any with your propensity towards alcoholism" 

"What can I say, I'm resilient" he smiles attempting to look suave with dark circles under his eyes, and his skin bleached a sickly white.

"I shouldn't be shocked" she shakes her head "given that you use to eat paint chips as a child." 

Lotor coughed.

"And sat there and inhaled paint fumes" 

"That wasn't my fault how was I to know that it would intoxicate me." 

"Well, your grown man now, I expect better of you to take care of yourself. I'm not your personal babysitter. Not anymore, at least" she clicks her tongue.

Allura watched the exchange with curiosity. Not that her and her paladins weren't friendly with each other, but the galra came off strangely crass, and by Altean standards quite crude. Coran would never speak to her the way Yayamei did to Lotor. And Lotor didn't seem to mind the air of casualty. It seemed like he welcomed the confrontation. Yet, what caught her worry the most is that Lotor's drinking habits were a constant, proving that idiot Mogril right, but it is another thing she would have never anticipated from him. Briefly, it made her wonder if this behavior might have stemmed from his rotting relationship with his own father.

"And you're dehydrated. When's the last time you had anything liquid other than booze" 

"I had coffee" Yayamei looked as though she's ready to sew his lips shut "does that count" 

The doctor finally turned to her "You, Princess. Fetch some water from the kitchen before this certain shrivels up and expires" 

"...err-okay" she walked away, bewildered. Slipping into the room she believed to be a kitchen, which she discovered was the right assumption. It’s like the hallways, and the storage room upstairs, immaculate. At least Lotor believed in being sanitary as the space sparkled and shone in the bright light. Though the coffee cups full of mold come to mind, she grimaced. There’s nothing in the fridge aside from some fruit and ...booze. Not just any liquor, expensive wines. Very, very expensive wines, the type of wines that make her wallets want to cringe. Not to mention, the fridge is packed with them, very packed. More evidence supporting the Emperor’s alcoholism. Snapping it closed, she searched the wooden cabinets and surprise, surprise found more wine and hard liquors she’s never heard of, blinking she closed it and looked around some more before finding his mugs, all mismatched, by the way, the only thing that didn’t unsettle her. Quickly, she filled it with cool water from the faucet and headed back to the living room slightly stunned.

"....what happens if you find yourself in battle and have an asthma attack. Sendak is still out there, and he won't show mercy" 

_Asthma_? 

"I haven't had one in centuries" 

"If you keep doing what you're doing, see what happens, next time it might be you who loses the arm. " 

Lotor made a noise in the back of his throat.

"Are you doing ecstasy again, because you reek" 

"Will you please finish. This is humiliating" referring to the stethoscope pressed to his chest, his clothing moved aside.

"I think you're doing that fine on your own terms." She muttered.

"Pardon" 

"Puking in front of a pretty princess for one" he made a face "I hope you haven't tried to put the moves on her in your state." 

"I'm drunk, not stupid" 

"Hold your breath" she listened carefully "release" his chest constricts.

"I hope so for your sake, you have a bad habit of philandering while plastered. The last thing you need during the beginning of your reign is a scandal. And alienating a potential ally because you like what you see isn’t going to be doing you any favors. I don’t want you moping around again, not after Jiv" 

"I can control myself" he huffed “and Jiv doesn’t count.”

"You’re still a man" 

"A man not an animal" 

"Well," she smacked his chest "let time do the talking for us. In the meantime, no more drinking! I mean it, drink plenty of water and get some sleep, will you. You look ghastly" 

"You flatter me, Yayamei" 

"Whatever. Just do me a favor and stay alive." 

He grunted.

"Um" their eyes fell on her. Standing there awkward and out of place "I got the water, I got you some water, I mean. Here" she passed it to him, while Yayamei had her gaze anchored in her backside.

"Thank you" 

"Hm" she hummed.

"Make sure he doesn't drink anything. Goodnight" she left in a huff of clicking heels, and lab coat.

"I think she hates me"

"Yayamei is disgruntled about everything" 

"I mean she doesn't seem to particularly like me in general."

"No, she talks that way to everyone. It's why she ended up being exiled by my father"

"She was?" 

He takes a delicate sip of his water "yes, she wasn't exactly shy about telling my father the truth about his excessive quintessence harvesting. She was-is a primary advocate against it. Of course, father didn't like that, while she constantly budded heads with Haggar in the meantime." 

"I'm more shocked he let her off so easily" 

"He didn't consider her much of a threat outside of a constant annoyance. But, he did make sure he had her blacklisted. So, in her exile, she couldn't exactly find work legally speaking." 

"I...see" she murmured, "speaking of which" she didn't know how to bring up the subject with any delicacy, so she went straight for the hip "what are you going to do about him? Your father, I mean" she asked slowly. Lotor offered no emotion instead turned his eyes away from her.

For a moment she thought she had crossed a line bringing him up "I don't know." Is all he can say, and she left it at that.

"You should probably head home. It's late" 

"But, your-" 

"I'll survive beside my head is throbbing and I need to sleep or Yayamei might bash my skull in" 

She laughed "did she really babysit you?" 

"When Dayak wasn't able to keep an eye on me, yes. And she was terrible at her job, too" 

"I get the feeling you might not have been an obedient child judging from her complaints" 

He snorted "but, you're right" she smoothed out her suit "I should probably get back before Coran sends a whole fleet after me" 

"Hm" she lifted herself off the couch.

"Are you sure you’re going to be okay" 

He waved at her "go home, Allura" 

"Alright, alright. I'm going. And drink your water" 

"I will." 

"Good-night" 

"Good-night" 

Once her footfalls faded into the night he pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing as tightly as possible.

"What has gotten into me," he says out loud to no one in particular. 

~ 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: What do you guys think? Comments? Reviews?


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